Gadgets

My grandmother does not have the internet. She does not have a computer. She does not use a cell phone. She has a cell phone, but it's never been on and the one time she had it on by accident and it rang, she didn't know how to answer it. She calls all modern technology "gadgets." Laptop, phone, Blackberry, iPad...all gadgets. So when my grandmother came to me and said, "Danielle, I'm thinking of getting one of those gadgets," I wasn't completely sure what she meant.
"A computer?"
"No."
"A camera?"
"No."
"A new television?"
"No! A gadget, you know of those..." She started stabbing the air with her finger.
"A...light saber?"
"No no no no no no! They have buttons, you look things up..."
"A Blackberry?"
"Yes, like that, but not a Blackberry. I want an Android."
I could not for the life of me figure out what my grandmother, who refuses to use things like computers and cell phones, could possibly want with a Droid. As it turns out, what she wants is to have the internet with her at all times so that when she is at lunch or book club meetings with her friends and gets into an argument, she can PROVE HERSELF CORRECT with the power of the internet.

I let her choose a day on which we could go together to "the gadget store," and off we went. I expected to end up at a Verizon store, but instead we ended up at more or less the equivalent of RadioShack. I began to say to my grandmother, "Perhaps Verizon would be more..." to which I only got, "Quiet, Danielle."
Once in the gadget store, the employees informed my grandmother that they did not carry Androids or Blackberries or any of those things. The closest thing they had to what my grandmother wanted was an iPad but it was "TOO BIG!" to fit in her purse. The gadget store employees were all declared wildly incompetent, and we headed off to Verizon.
At Verizon, we ran into a new problem.
"What do you MEAN the Android is a phone? I don't want a phone. I want an internet."
Eventually the salesperson and I were able to convince my grandmother that there was nothing the salesperson could personally do about making the Android not a phone anymore, and after a lot of back and forth and general insanity we settled on a Galaxy Tablet which is actually quite neat.
Then the salesperson, instead of GETTING OUT QUICKLY, asked the terrible question, "Tell me about the service you use for your landline. How much are you paying? What? That much? Let me tell you about how you can save a lot of money!"
You all know about me and my penchant for buying absolutely anything and everything salespeople suggest I buy. Well guys, turns out I got it through genetics. My grandmother and I together in that store were the most pathetic victims the world has ever seen. We walked out of that store an hour and a half later with a Galaxy Tablet, a flashy new box to plug into the landline to make all the phones run through some wireless system, and a new plan for my grandmother's barely touched cell phone.
Before heading out, the salesperson asked for my grandmother's email address.
"I am NOT giving you my email address! That's how I get all of these emails about Viagra! And girls in Russia! And PENIS englargements. Do I look like I need a penis enlargement? I do not have a PENIS!"
The salesperson actually literally did a headdesk and needed to take a moment to himself before he stopped laughing to hard to ring her up.
The next day, every phone in my grandmother's house was knocked out. She called in Verizon to fix it. The following day, every phone in my grandmother's house plus her WebTV was knocked out.
My grandmother's phones and WebTV have been out for four days now, she's run over the minutes on her new cell phone plan, and she's angsty over not checking her email for a week.

On the bright side, she now knows how to answer her cell phone when it rings.

Starting Over

What makes a person quit their job, pack their things, and leave the life they've built behind?

Her name is Allie. She is rather small, but she is very persuasive.

I went to Israel because I was feeling restless and stuck and I thought traveling for ten days in far parts of the world would help make the feelings go away. While the trip was great, it definitely backfired because I came home feeling more restless and upset than I did before I left.
Allie and I met in Israel, and discussed how we both wanted to move to D.C. I didn't take her seriously though, because most people I meet are total flakes and don't mean most of what they say. Somehow though, things went from our hypothetical jobs and apartment and life in D.C. and the fun artwork we would hang on our theoretical walls to driving out to interview with a temp agency to leaving our respective houses and moving in with my grandmother.

We have a wonderful little domestic situation going on. She gets up early for work at her internship and I get up to turn off the alarm and lock the door behind her before going to make breakfast and starting my day like an unemployed little housewife. My very first day I immediately went to the library for the internet (no internet at Grandma's...) and began a lengthy conversation with the library Manager. She wants me to help out around the library! There is a hiring freeze, so she cannot hire me :( but in the meantime she wants my help as a volunteer on their newest project, making the library more appealing to young people and finding grant money. Also facilitating book discussions for children and teens! I am quite excited over it.

Each day I go to the library and apply to at least two jobs, eat a sandwich, and then meet Allie for Adventures Downtown. So far we have had a Trivia Night, a Networking Night, a Shabbat Dinner, a Night Out in Adams Morgan, and watched part of a fabulous movie about Alyssa Milano's imaginary friend. We may be losing hope of ever finding employment ever, but there's not too much time to spend lamenting over it.

It's all very exciting.

Life Changing Decisions

I think it's time I re-took control of this blog. I don't know what Rachael is going to be doing, perhaps she will find the strength to post at the some point. But in the meantime, we will no longer wait for her.
I got far behind in posts myself because for awhile there, my life was working out okay. I had a job I adored, I was making new friends, developing new hobbies, traveling, even finding time to go out with new wonderful gentlemen callers. I was making Good Decisions. Yes, it was all coming together.

And then on Wednesday of last week I went in to work, told my boss I was quitting my job and leaving the city. I packed everything in four suitcases and drove away a few days later. Any of my friends not on Facebook don't even know that I've moved away. I should probably call them.

Yeah. That happened.

Bad decision? Time will tell. It was certainly rash, poorly thought out, and probably somewhat stupid.

In any case, I am going to begin to use this blog to track this decision, write about the life of the lonely, the unemployed, and the impoverished. At least for a little while. And time will tell whether or not this decision was a Poor one.