Virginia

Most of you are familiar with my infinite hatred of Virginia. I am big enough to admit right now that about 30% of my hatred is irrational. But Virginia does have some serious, real issues.  For example, they have a habit of closing entrances to major roads or put up road block signs, or tear out entire sections of important roads and then NOT PUT UP DETOUR SIGNS. Just the ominous ROAD CLOSED signs.

Can Virginia not AFFORD detour signs? Do they think it's FUNNY? I personally do NOT think it is funny, because I have the same conversation over and over again, alone in my car.

RoadBlockSign: YOU SHALL NOT PASS.
Me: Are you KIDDING ME? This could have been so simple. Where am I supposed to go now?
RoadBlockSign: DON'T CARE, MOTHERFUCKER. THIS IS VIRGINIA WHERE NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR WELL-BEING.
Me: All right punk, I'm just going to take out my GPS and find a new road! Because I am an ADULT!
GPS: Acquiring satellite.
Me: That's cool, I'll just sit here parked in front of this stranger's house while you take your time. No rush.
GPS: Acquring satellite.
Me: You do what you gotta do, I'll just continue wasting my $4.20/gallon gas while you mess around in space.
GPS: Acquiring satellite.
Me: Are you fucking serious???
GPS: You're so funny when you're mad. All right, head straight.
Me: No, that's the road block. That's why I turned you on.
GPS: I really think we should go straight.
Me: We cannot go straight. This is my problem.
GPS: We can run right over this thing, it's not very high.
Me: I am not doing that.
GPS: No, we can take it. A Toyota Camry is very much like a tank.
Me: This is bullshit. I'm just going to drive off in a random direction for awhile until you recalculate.
GPS: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Me: Watch me.
GPS: Oh, it's on bitch. It's on. Recalculating.
Me: I WIN
GPS: Make a right.
Me: That makes NO sense, we want to go the opposite direction. Why on earth would we turn right?
GPS: I have a good feeling about it.
Me: Just like you had a good feeling about Wilmington, Delaware??
GPS: Just like that.
Me: Oh no no no no no no. I'm going left, recalculate THAT.
GPS: Now you've done it.

And then of course I'm stuck wandering in circles around US-66 or US-29 or Virginia Avenue as my GPS beats me into submission so that it can take me backwards and forwards with evil glee up and down the same eight blocks of the same goddamn road JUST FOR FUN.  All because VIRGINIA can't put up some damn DETOUR SIGNS. And this ALWAYS happens in the middle of the night where you can't even go the old fashioned route of stopping at a gas station for directions.

Fucking Virginia.