Bus Running and Burlesque

Earlier this week I went to a burlesque troupe orientation with my Adventure Friend. We were not entirely sure what to expect from the evening, but came away (well, I did) completely intrigued by the whole fascinating subculture and eager to learn more.  These are the people I need to be making space for in my life. They remind me a lot of the people I knew in Pittsburgh, mainly because they remind me of roller derby people and Rachael (whose name is in this blog but hasn't written since 2010) is a roller derby person and collects like-minded people, all of whom made up the majority of the worthwhile people I know in the city. In any case, I felt quite at home with the loudness, the scatteredness, the constant crafting throughout the meeting, and the vivid personalities. There is a lot more to burlesque than dancing--it seems to be a lifestyle. I admit I am unlikely to be willing to take on a whole new lifestyle that involves glue guns and sewing and creating a stage persona with a clever pun, but I feel compelled to go at least a little further and find some way to fit into this seductive world. 

In any case, while burlesque COULD end up being a Poor Decision, so far everything is going well and I am not terribly concerned. The real poor decision in all this, is what happened AFTER the meeting. 

Originally, I had planned to stay the night with Adventure Friend, because the meeting was late and it is a long trajectory home complete with metro changes (OR SO I THOUGHT!) and we all know that at the end of the metro line, there is that bus I have to catch that I always say I'm going to stop running after. But it turned out, the middle of nowhere place we had our meeting was in fact on my metro line. And we left the meeting with JUST enough time that I thought, "I could probably make the last bus home....."  

I decided to go for it. 

I arrived at my metro stop at 10:33. The bus leaves at 10:35. I decided to make my last stand in the face of hopeless pointlessness and run for it.  Many of you are aware of the layout of my metro station, but for those of you who are not, it looks something like this:  there is a long platform along which the train stops. At the far end of the platform is a normal sized escalator that leads to an upper platform where the exit gate is. Once you exit, there is a short walk to a HUGE GIGANTIC TERRIBLE ESCALATOR OF DOOM that looms above your head and makes novices dizzy.  At the top of THAT escalator, there is another platform to cross, not TOO long but long enough if you are in a hurry, that leads to a THIRD escalator, which is a normal sized one.  That escalator leads you out into the night, and a short walk down the sidewalk leads you to the bus.

Unfortunately, I had not strategically positioned myself on the train properly so I had to sprint the length of the platform before sprinting up the first escalator, sprinting along the upper platform and then sprinting up the GIGANTIC escalator.

I am not a very physically fit person, I hadn't had a whole lot to eat, I don't sleep well, it was late, it was not a good time but I DID IT.  I sprinted hardcore up that entire escalator without looking back.  

 

Be amazed.

At some point I registered vaguely that there was a person following close behind me, but I did not have the time to stop and consider this. I was doing spectacularly. It was 10:34. I was a machine. I'd never felt so proud in my life. I arrived at the end of the escalator, adrenaline high, breathing heavily, and started the sprint up the third, final escalator. 

I nearly made it.

I was a little over halfway up when I tripped on my boots and took a hard fall on my right knee. I tried not to put my hands down because I didn't want my fingers getting sucked and squished in the moving crevices of the escalator. That's when I became more aware of the presence behind me.  

"ARE YOU OKAY???????" said an extremely concerned male voice.  But there was no time for niceties! The clock had just changed to 10:35! If I didn't make these FINAL FEW STEPS all would be in vain!!!!  "I'm FINE," I said, as I hauled myself up in great  pain using the banister. I took a step forward and my legs gave out from under me. The sprinting had made me too weak to even stand. I fell down even harder this time, on both knees, and in the shock of it all I lost total control and reeled sideways, smashing my face against the side of the escalator, knocking my glasses frames out of shape and off my face, and hurting my head.  

"OH MY GOD!" said the poor startled man behind me. Again, I just said, "I'M FINE!" even though I was not at ALL fine, I was in terrible agony in every part of my body and soul, AND on top of it all COMPLETELY humiliated.  I believe it is worth noting at this point, for reasons that will become more clear later, that the guy was was likely in his mid to late 20s, fairly attractive (the attractive part is irrelevant, but I will mention it anyway), and hispanic. 

I continued the race up the final two stairs, having gotten up JUST in time not to face disaster at the end of the escalator, and arrived in the night air to see the bus, lights on, doors opening, waiting. 

"THANK GOD!" I shouted aloud, not caring how insane I looked at this point. Dignity was already gone forever. 

At that moment, the bus closed its doors, turned off its lights, and drove away.

"FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!!!"" I shouted waving my fists.  I didn't think I had it in me to chase it, and I knew it was completely futile. 

BUT THEN

the stranger behind me TORE past me at a truly impressive pace, completely destroying my pride in my sprinting skills, and ran across the bus area, clearly intending to head the bus off as it rounded the far corner. In this pivotal moment, I was faced with a choice. Did I a) fuck it all and stay perfectly still and wait alone in the cold darkness for 30-45 minutes? or did I b) suck in a lungful of air, let two tears escape my watery eyes, and run as fast as I could after the stranger?

I ran.

I made it JUST behind the stranger, who got on the bus, but as I started to step forward, the bus driver shut his doors, nearly snapping my nose. I pounded on the door. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!! PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS TO ME!!!"  The stranger said something to the driver, who opened his doors.  "THANK YOU!!!!!"

I staggered erratically down the bus aisle and collapsed in a heap right behind the stranger, who asked again, "ARE YOU OKAY?????"
At this point I had time to be friendly, so I heaved, "Oh yes, perfectly all right! Completely humiliated! But that is not new!"
He laughed, hesitantly and concernedly. We sat quietly for a few minutes before he spoke again. 

"I am sorry I scared you!"
"Scared me? Oh no, it was great the way you ran for the bus! I would never have made it without you. And if I hadn't made it after all that....I would have just laid down and died."
"No, I mean in the metro. When you were running away from me."

The guy thought I'd been RUNNING AWAY FROM HIM that whole time!! I was struck with horror. 

"RUNNING AWAY FROM YOU???"
"Yes..."
"NO! I was running for this bus!!! Oh my god....I am so sorry! I just wanted to catch this bus!!"
"Oh! Good. I wanted to help you up when you fell but I was afraid if I touched you, you would think it was an attack."

I have never felt more horrible in my life. This poor guy was trying not to frighten me, but also couldn't stop running because he needed to catch the bus too!

We had a laugh and a chat, and eventually I had to admit that I didn't even take the bus very far, just a mile, and I got off and hobbled home and I am in copious amounts of pain.  

I really need to stop running after that goddamn bus.