Health Insurance

The entire Health Insurance field in the United States is one giant Poor Decision as far as I am concerned. In France, I wasn't even a citizen, and yet any time I felt like it I could wander into any doctor in the country for $25, and they would see and treat me. Medications cost 80% less than in the U.S. Everything was simple and easy and wonderful. What is the United States DOING?

When I came back from France, I began paying, out of pocket, for my own individual health insurance plan. I started at the fabulous price of $213.35. Why that number? Who knows. Maybe not even the insurance company. I'm beginning to feel that they know precious little. Of course, the fact that I needed to buy my own insurance policy in the first place suggests that I did not have a full time job which would have covered my insurance. Not having a full time job, logically I did not have the money to pay for my health coverage. But America does not care! So I scraped it together, I managed, I bought fewer cookies and wore my shoes until they literally came apart in the streets. Now, I needed the insurance in the first place because I have a thyroid condition and need to get blood tests done, take pills, occasionally check in with a doctor. The beauty of the American health system, however, meant that despite sending checks for everything I had in my bank account monthly to Blue Cross Blue Shield I STILL COULD NOT TAKE CARE OF MY HEALTH ISSUES because of that beautiful phrase, "pre-existing conditions."
I waited. I waited 10 months, and finally, FINALLY I was allowed to go keep myself from wasting away. It all barely seemed worth it. THEN, when I was finally just managing to save a tiny bit of money for other things, like gas, car insurance, food, the co-pays for actually SEEING the doctor, Blue Cross Blue Shield sent me a letter courteously explaining how they had raised my monthly payments to $350, and nahnahnahnah THERE WAS NOTHING THAT COULD BE DONE ABOUT IT!
WHAT?
There was nothing for it, I NEED health insurance, blood work is expensive, and my parents kept explaining to me how if my appendix burst or a bus hit me, I'd better hope it killed me outright because I'd spend the rest of my life and my children's lives paying off my debts from the homeless shelter. I wrote checks every month, subtly stained with tears.
Then I decided to make this move to D.C. Among ten million other things that need to be done, of course I needed to change my health insurance plan, because IT ONLY WORKS IN WESTERN PENNSYLVANIA.
????
What kind of country do we LIVE in? This is madness. Alas, a madness I cannot change. So I did the adult, reasonable thing to do, and called my provider and asked if I could transfer my coverage to Maryland's CareFirst. After spending the better part of an afternoon standing int he hallway at the library on hold, a nice employee answered the phone and told me she had no idea, the only people who could tell me if such a transfer was possible was Maryland's CareFirst. She gave me the number. I called. I spent the better part of the evening on hold until a nice employee answered and told me no one at CareFirst could tell me this, I needed to talk to my current provider and ask them.
I went to sleep.
In the morning I called my provider and told them what CareFirst had said. The nice employee who answered told me that they were wrong, and I needed to call Maryland again and demand an answer.
SO I CALLED CAREFIRST AGAIN.
They told me THEY COULD NOT TELL ME ANYTHING so I did the adult, reasonable thing to do, which was to cry and make wild accusatory statements. This nice employee immediately transferred me to their sales department where someone explained to me the plans available to me if I were to simply cancel my current plan and get a new one. These were cheaper! Slightly. Yay! They sounded awesome! She emailed me further information and I was all set to just choose one just based on the few facts she'd told me without actually reading anything. Luckily my father is still on top of these things, since he knows I am rarely either adult or reasonable, and informed me that basically both of these plans covered NOTHING beyond situations called things like Danielle Gets Hit By A Meteor.
I decided to take a few days of rest from the process and in the meantime developed what I fear is strep throat. I decided to employ the plan I usually employ, which is Ignore It And It Will Go Away Like Magic. This plan has been employed at least 14,000 times by me during my lifetime, for all kinds of things, and has never, not once, ever, never ever, worked. Still, it was the course of action I decided to take about a week ago. My throat feels like tiny parasites are sharpening knives on it, but I can still wander around and function mostly, so ignoring seemed like the best plan. A week gone by though, and my paranoia is kicking in, because instead of any better at all, it is growing steadily worse, and the internet tells me I can get things like Scarlet Fever and Death unless I get myself some antibiotics. My friend Dr. Quyen, Medicine Woman though tells me this is unlikely, which is more than a little comforting. Still, pain. Not good.
Today I began looking for a Med Express type place, and decided on Righttime Medical Center, conveniently located up Rockville Pike. I called and asked if they took my insurance, even if it's Out of State.
"Of course! No problem!"
"Are you SURE?"
"Oh yes, quite sure, Blue Cross Blue Shield? Yes, yes, come right on in."
"Well...that is good. Sweet, awesome, I'll make an appointment."
"Great! Just make sure that you have a PPO instead of an HMO."
"What now?"
"PPO. We won't take your insurance if it's not a PPO."
"...but you said you'd take out of state Blue Cross Blue Shield."
"Of course! We do! But only if it's PPO."
"How do I tell THAT?"
"It's written on your card." It was not written anywhere on my card. "Then you need to call them and ask."
I called Blue Cross Blue Shield Keystone Health Plan West. I spent 20 minutes on hold. Within one minute the girl at Blue Cross Blue Shield said, "HMO."

Well, now what America? Your poor voting decisions over the past 200 years have made it so it may in fact be cheaper for me to fly to France to get a strep test done than drive five minutes up Rockville Pike.