Cricket

First of all, I would like to say that if not for the Craigslist babysitting business, I would never have found myself in this Cricket mess. So it all comes back to lay the blame at Craigslist's feet. Clearly.

Remember, yesterday morning I'd had that terrible business with ending up in the middle of nowhere and having to reschedule at the woman's house. That went fairly well, it was a little odd, but then, I suppose that was to be expected. The only terrible disaster in that was that they had a small dog, and the small dog LICKED me.

I may never recover.

Important background information: I had been given one of those little internet USB keys from Cricket that lets you have internet service anywhere as long as you pay the monthly data fee or whatever and the key is in your computer. We know all about these, because of the time Victoria got one in France from SFR and ended up being charged with something like $2500 in penalties and fees over a three month period. I decided it was a great idea to try and get this Cricket key activated and have internet at home so I could do things like apply to jobs and actually know when someone has responded and wants to know when to interview me. Also to look at Facebook.

This was obviously a terrible idea. First of all, we have the precedent of Victoria. Second of all, the internet and Google maps or whatever told me that there were in fact no Cricket stores anywhere nearby for me to go and talk to someone to find out what activating it entailed. The closest one as far as I could tell was in Silver Spring, MD, which is down the beltway a bit and EVER going on the Beltway is a terrible idea.

I hung on to this key for two weeks before the business with the babysitting. As it turned out, the woman and her kid were in Silver Spring, MD. What luck! I could go meet with her and then head right over to the Cricket place and sort this internet thing out. I would even make it out to Rockville in time for dinner with Ellen and her friends. Amazing.

Google maps told me the Cricket was only 10 minutes away from this woman's house, and in the correct direction too, so I wrote down the directions and headed out on my happy way.

To be totally fair, which I feel I must be, Cricket really was probably only ten minutes away. But I had to get on the beltway again and then I had to turn around in this loop and then I had to go up some street and then down another but I couldn't turn where I wanted to so the directions said make a U-turn on a certain street that as far as I can tell does not in fact exist and so I turned around twice and then got disoriented and eventually I found a nice little parking space and headed into the store.

Turns out Cricket is in WEST Silver Spring, which apparently means that everything is in Spanish. As it turns out I have not forgotten all of my Spanish, which is good, because I needed it when I walked in the door. But this is all only tangentially relevant.

I didn't completely know where I was. I didn't really know how to get back from where I was. I didn't even know if I really wanted to be wherever it was that I was. But I waited 45 minutes to speak with someone about my little key. When I finally did, the conversation went something like this:

Me: I have this key, and I want the most basic internet plan you have which appears to be $40/month. Is there anything basic-er?
Girl: No, that is the very cheapest plan we have to offer.
Me: Are there any fees involved, whatsoever, outside of this $40?
Girl: No, there are no fees at all. You pay $40, that is all.
Me: What about activation fees?
Girl: No, no fees.
Me: What about CANCELLATION fees?
Girl: No, like I said before, there are no fees.
Me: What about fees for if I go over the allotted data? What about THEN?
Girl: Seriously. There. Are. No. Fees.
Me: Okay but see this one time Victoria had an internet key and she got charged like $2000.
Girl: ...excuse me?
Me: So one more time, just because I like hearing you say it, are you sure, absolutely positive, that there is NO WAY that I will ever, under any circumstances that I cannot yet imagine, have to pay FEES of ANY KIND?
Girl: Don't even give us a credit card. Hand me $40 in cash and you will have internet. If you don't pay next month, we just cancel it. No fees.
Me: But Victoria...SFR...
Girl: Yes, you are confusing me with that, I have no idea what you are talking about but why don't you just give me $40.
Me: Okay fine I will. But more questions first!
Girl: ...
Me: What happens when it doesn't work? Who do I call?
Girl: What do you mean "when it doesn't work?" It will work.
Me: No it won't. So give me the number I call for when it doesn't work.
Girl: Okay, I'll write the number here. But...it works. I mean, there's no reason it shouldn't work.
Me: You don't understand. I touched it.
Girl: True. I don't understand...
Me: Okay, so when the software doesn't install correctly, can I get my money back?
Girl: Seriously, it IS GOING TO WORK. No money back, but bring your whole laptop and everything into the store and we will make it work. I swear. But that won't happen. Because it will work.

I took the key, the receipt, the tech support number, and left. Only to remember I didn't know where I was. Ellen kindly used her phone to send me directions and I arrived, disoriented and exhausted at dinner only 45 minutes late.

That night, I plugged the key into my laptop. The software installed, the internet connected, IT WORKED. IT ACTUALLY WORKED. I was completely and utterly dumbfounded. I barely slept all night just thinking about the fact that I had paid for this technology, and it had worked.

The next morning I leapt from my bed all excited to plug in my working internet.

It did not work. I tried again. It did not work. Again...not working. Again and again and again and again.

I pulled out the number I'd made the girl write down and called it. The automated system ran through my choices. I did everything I was supposed to, chose broadband questions, entered my number...and the system said politely, "I'm sorry, I cannot process your request at this time. Goodbye." And hung up on me. I did this three more times. The fifth time I called I punched all the numbers at once and got a real live person who explained to me that all their computers with broadband support were down and they just could not help me.

I left the house in a rage.

That night, the internet worked for no reason. I was joyful. The next morning, the internet did not work. Rage. That night, the internet worked. The next morning, RAGE. Apparently Cricket broadband only worked AT NIGHT.

Now though, we seem to be running more consistently. It had better stay that way.