Parallel Parking

In 2003, I finally got my driver’s license. I was 17 years old, I had a 1992 Honda Civic, and in 2003 three of the four doors still opened.  

It was summer, I’d had my license for two weeks, when I arrived at Rachael’s house in the afternoon.  It was one of those rare beautiful days, sunny, warm, not too hot for pants. In good spirits, I pulled onto the block.  I immediately noticed that the street was particularly parked up. There was exactly one spot available, in between two cars across the street from the house.  It wasn't huge, but it was just right for my Honda. All it took was a little parallel parking skill.

Which I did not have. But I had at least passed the test, so I knew I COULD do it. Maybe. I had plenty of time, and I couldn't see anyone around, so I pulled up alongside the first car and prepared to back up. 

I backed right in the curb.

So I pulled out, and backed up again. Hit the curb at a wide angle.

Frustrated, but not ready to give up, I prepared for another try.  And that’s when I noticed the neighbor standing on his lawn watching me, grinning. 

The neighbor was 16 years old, and his name was Adam.  He thought I was absolutely hilarious. I pointedly ignored him.

I backed into the curb.

“Getting closer!” Adam called out, pumping a fist in the air encouragingly. I did not answer.

I backed ONTO the curb.

“Turn it a little more to the left…no…right….yes….like that…hahaha!” said Adam. 

I prayed to God and asked that if only I could parallel park this car in only one more try I would never ask for help again.

It didn't work. But I couldn't give up at this point.  Especially since Adam had suddenly shut up and gone inside.

Left alone, my panic started to subside.  But only for a minute, because after a minute, Adam came out with a lawn chair, made a show of flopping down into it, and settled himself in to watch my performance. Occasionally he would clap, on every try he would shout directions and make judgments upon  my driving skills.

Somewhere around attempt #11, Adam realized something. His grin vanished, his eyes opened wide, he leaped from his lawn chair and started running straight at me, screaming, “THAT’S MY PORSCHE!!!!!!!!!”

I realized he wasn't running straight at me, but at the car just in front of me, which was, in fact, a Porsche, a fact that I had not noticed in my concentration, and which Adam had not noticed in his wicked glee. Adam was frantically jumping into his car trying to start the engine when I made my final back-up maneuver. I was sort of in—but my back wheel was up on the sidewalk.  I sighed, and was about to try again, when I heard an older male voice.

“Oh no, sweetheart. That’s good enough. Leave it there.”

I stuck my head through the window to see a man holding a dog on a leash, standing and watching.  I heard Adam’s car start. “I can just leave the car like this?” I asked the man.

“I would,” he said.

I sighed, and turned off my engine. Relieved, Adam turned off his car as well.  I grabbed my belongings and bolted into Rachael’s house without looking back.

Despite all the time I spent at Rachael’s house that summer and the summers to come, I never saw Adam again.

UNTIL ONE DAY 8 YEARS LATER I WAS IN A BAR with Rachael and upon walking in, she said, “Oh hey, I know that guy!!” and made a beeline for a guy about our own age sitting at a table with a friend.  I followed her, because I always follow her, and we pulled up some chairs and sat with this guy and his friends.  We were all introduced, the guy’s name was Adam, his friend’s name has been forgotten in the pages of my memory.  Rachael soon became engrossed in conversation with his friend, and I felt obligated to start talking.  I asked him how he knew Rachael.  He told me he’d been her neighbor growing up.  I said that was very nice.

Then I said, “YOUR NAME IS ADAM AND YOU GREW UP AS RACHAEL’S NEIGHBOR????”

At my shouting, Rachael turned around. “What is going on?”

I said, “THIS IS YOUR NEIGHBOR. ADAM.”

She said, “Yeah, so?”

I said nothing.

She said, “AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Adam said, “Uh……what?”

Rachael said, “She tried to parallel park in front of your house once.”

Adam said, “YOU’RE THE GIRL WITH THE BLUE HONDA CIVIC!!!”

I died of shame.