Pretty Little Liars

I'm not much of a liar. Not that I've never done it, especially in recent weeks, during which time the lying has spiraled a little out of control (but don't worry--I've never lied to YOU). But my lies have been quite rare, mostly because I've never seen the point in bothering. I have no secrets, I have no real boundaries--I'll tell anyone anything.  Probably more than most people might wish. 

As a child, I lied a few times to my parents, but I confessed within hours every single time, with only one exception. My little soul was overburdened by the guilt and I would burst into tears and blurt out the whole truth. Once I turned 16 probably I told a few more lies, but honestly I can't even remember any. There never seemed to be any point; my mother would discover the truth immediately no matter what I did or didn't do with uncanny magical abilities. So it never seemed worth the effort of going through something I knew would fail anyway. 

However, there is one time in my childhood that I told a lie and NEVER admitted to it. Until now. 

I was 6 or 7 years old. My father and I were in the bathroom one morning before school and he was trying to force me to wash my face properly.  During the course of the process he got water all over my clothes which is something I have never been able to abide, and still cannot to this day (seriously, just try me. I turn into a gremlin). I was so angry that when he turned his back to leave the room, I grabbed a nearby roll of toilet paper and threw it directly at his head. Startled, and rightly so, my father turned around and saw the roll of toilet paper lying on the ground by his feet and then looked at me, staring at him. 

"Did you just throw a roll of toilet paper at my head?" asked my father.

In a stroke of child genius, I looked him straight in the eye and said, "No!"

There was, of course, no one else in the bathroom. There was not even anyone else in the HOUSE. And yet there I stood, staring my father down, insisting that I had NOT just thrown a roll of toilet paper at his head. 

Of all the lies I could have told as a child, we will never know why it was THIS particular one I decided was the one to go with. 

Obviously my father was so incredibly shocked that I had chosen to lie about this, he spent several seconds clearly having absolutely no idea how to even respond. After a few moments of tense silence and staring, he burst out laughing and simply left the room. And we never discussed it again. 

And to this day, it remains THE ONLY lie to my parents I have ever managed to maintain consistently for any length of time. And it is only because my father was so shocked and then amused that he simply never questioned it or brought it up again.