Early Morning Sprinting

Many of you are aware of the ongoing morning bus saga because you get repeated text messages from me which state, "I MISSED THE BUS. FUCK." Sometimes I don't include the punctuation, which has led certain individuals to believe Maryland public transit permits orgies. This is why punctuation is important.

Basically, every single morning I leave the house late, and nearly ever single morning I reach a certain point down the block from the bus stop when I see the bus either stopped at the light, or about to go through it. It is a slight hill up to the bus stop, and I have never been a super fit person, and we all know I am certainly NOT a morning person. Despite this, or perhaps even because of it, when I reach this point and see the bus, I always have the same reaction--to yell "FUCK!" and sprint up the hill towards the bus as fast as skinny legs will take me. This is STUPID, because I NEVER make the bus. It is not physically possible, based on the speed of the bus, the distance I am from the bus, and my pathetic sprinting skills. Yet, 3-4 times a week, I find myself shrieking and running until I collapse at the top, weak heart pounding enough to nearly induce vomiting, while I watch the bus continue blithely down the road without me.

The saddest part of this story, though, is that right between my bus stop and the spot I always hit when I see the bus from afar is where the fifth grade safety patrol stands guard. Elementary school children on their way to school pass down that sidewalk every day at precisely the same time as I head for my own bus, and even if I hit the lull in between groups of children crossing the road, there are always 2-5 Safety Patrollers patrolling the area in the exact spot I am shouting obscenities.

In the beginning I think I caused them concern, but by now they are used to me and more or less ignore it. I hope to god they are not telling tales to their parents.

In any case, every morning I get up to the bus stop panting and ready to die and I swear I will never bother to run for the bus again. Obviously I never keep this vow.

THIS morning, I got to the spot and saw the bus was stopped because of the light. I thought to myself, THIS time I can probably make it! So I let out the usual war cry and took off at a dead run for the top of the hill, slamming into a third grader as I did so BUT I DID NOT STOP.

Well, I did not stop until I LOST MY SHOES. I ran right out of them. The light was still red, so, hollering all the way, I ran back and grabbed my shoes and continued running barefoot up the hill, running a fourth grader on a bike into a shrub and waving my shoes up to the bus stop.  It so happened that this time not only did I make the bus, two of my neighbors were also waiting for it and watched in surprise as I barreled towards them, shoes in the air shouting, "WAIT FOR MEEEEEE!!"

They let me on the bus first. Still barefoot. Which meant now the entire bus had reason to stare at me. I sat in the front and tried to discreetly put my shoes back on and smooth out my hair.

Ready to do it all again tomorrow.