Comcast

As you are aware from my post about Cricket, I have been using Cricket
internet for over a year now, paying $50 a month to be able to check my
email but not be able to download things, watch videos, or basically do
most useful things. Also often it would stop working. Though sometimes this turned out to be because I had forgotten to pay bills.

Several months ago my grandmother finally agreed that I could attempt to
get wireless set up in the house. Following receipt of permission, I spent
twenty billion hours on the phone with Comcast trying to arrange to get
internet hooked up in the house and after an unreasonably long time they
finally told me that the account was in Joseph Stone's name and we needed
him to authorize me as someone who can make changes to the plan.
I said, "That is my grandfather, and he has been dead for 15 years. Soooooo
that will not be happening. I can put you on with my grandmother."
"No. Has to be Joseph Stone."
"Well, as I previously stated, he has been dead for a number of years. This
will not be possible."
"I understand. But we need Joseph Stone to clear this change."
"Clearly you do NOT understand because I just explained VERY clearly, in no
uncertain terms, that Joseph Stone is dead. Likely he will stay that way
for quite some time."
"You will need to prove this to us."
"You want me to PROVE that my grandfather is dead?"
"Yes. Otherwise we cannot change the name on the account."
"I hate you all."

Anyway, during this time my gradmother was still in her rehab center so
nothing much could be done. But once she got out she had to go find my
grandfather's death certificate and mail a copy into Comcast along with
several forms.  I felt really terrible for making her do this.  (Side note:
also my mother physically went to a Comcast store/branch/whatever and had a heated discussion with the manager there which ended in her threatening to dig up my grandfather's ashes and pour them on his desk. This got us
nowhere.)

Finally, a few weeks ago, I spent twenty billion hours on the phone with
Comcast with my grandmother next to me and after going through the whole
business again they were still like, we need Joseph Stone to clear this. I
nearly flipped out.  But for some reason, while they have my grandfather's
name, they have my GRANDMOTHER'S social security number...so...they let us do it. The woman told me a technician would be sent between 3-5 on Friday afternoon and that there was a guarantee that he would arrive within those two hours to set up my new wi-fi. Things looked good.

3-5 on Friday came and went, someone finally called to say they had to
cancel the first technician but they were sending another, and he would be
around sometime around 7:30.  Luckily we were in the house, and this
probably worked better because  I could be there.  Finally the new guy
(Chase) showed up and messed around with things, got to the end and said,
"I don't have a router."
".........isn't that what makes this wireless? Aren't you supposed to have
one? Aren't I paying monthly to rent your router? Isn't this standard?"
"Yes..but...I don't have one."
"I may kill you."
"But just call them and have them ship one to you and you can put it in
yourself."
"Didn't I just pay $30 to have you come so I would NOT have to install
anything myself?????"
"Well...yes.  But really, it's very simple. You just plug this bit in.
That's all."
"This will go wrong somehow."
"There is no way this can go wrong. You just plug this bit in. Really, that
is all."
"I don't believe you. I just plug this bit in ? That is all?"
"Yes, that is why I have been repeating it."
"Say it again please."

After going through this for about twenty minutes, Chase finally gave me
his personal cell number and told me to call him if I had any problems.  I
immediately lost his phone number.

Later that evening, I called Comcast to have them ship me the router.  I
spent twenty billion hours on hold before speaking to someone.  I told him
I wanted my router shipped overnight and that I did not feel I should have
to pay the installation fee since the guy was hours late and they have that
guarantee.  He told me he had to wait until the technician "closed his
ticket" which would be any minute and that he would call me back within 20
minutes.

He never called me back.

The next day I called Comcast again and spent twenty billion hours on hold
before speaking to a man who was a total idiot. We went through this whole
to do and he told me he would not and could not refund my $30 installation
fee, that it was against company policy to mail equipment, and that he
would be scheduling ANOTHER technician to come on Wednesday morning which was a huge to do because someone has to be at the house and my grandmother is a busy woman and she finally agreed to be around and I felt bad.
Apparently the ONLY time in the next two weeks they could send someone was that Wednesday morning.
He told me he could offer us 3 premium channels free, for three months. I
said, that is bullshit, I want my installation fee back.  He said, the
channels are worth $20 so he could just take off $20 from the next bill
instead. I said, you should take off $20 from each bill for three months by
that logic.  He said, "No." I started ranting like a madwoman and he cut in
saying this was Comcast policy, not his fault, he couldn't change anything.
I said, FINE I have a list of complaints I would like you to pass along for
me, can you please do that? He told me when he filed for the $20 refund he
had to fill out a customer comment section and I could list my comments
there. I said, YES. I WILL BE LISTING!
We went through a super long discussion going back and forth and round and round wherein I loudly voiced how disgusted I was and he repeated the same nonsense over and over and finally he said something about filing for the customer comments and I said,
"GREAT. NUMBER 1....."
"No, you can't comment now."
"What? But you just said..."
"No, we can't do anything now, you have to call back tomorrow."
"WHAT? What for??? I don't understand...what am I calling back for??"
"In order to get your $20 and file the complaint. You have to call
tomorrow."
"But....WHY?"
"Unintelligble nonsense."
"I don't understand."
"More unintelligble nonsense."
"I don't want to call back. Fix it now. There is no possible reason for you
to not fix this right now."
"Slightly nastier unintelligble nonsense."
"THIS IS GOING ON THE LIST!"

I hung up and went to try to convince my grandmother to give up Comcast but she refused.

So the next day I called Comcast.

After twenty billion hours on hold, I got a young sounding dude.

"How may I help you this afternoon?"
"WELL let me tell YOU I have had just about enough of this business! I
would like you to know that I am MONUMENTALLY FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW."
"Uh oh."
"EVEN THOUGH I AM YELLING I AM NOT ANGRY WITH YOU PERSONALLY."
"I appreciate that...."
"I AM VERY UPSET WITH YOUR ORGANIZATION. WHAT KIND OF OPERATION DO YOU PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE RUNNING?"
"You do sound frustrated."
"I AM VERY FRUSTRATED. HOWEVER PLEASE DO NOT BE ALARMED BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE THUS FAR AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER."
"I am glad you are making this distinction, but I hope you will calm down."
"LET ME TELL YOU WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING."
"I am listening..."
"THERE WAS THE GUY WHO WAS LATE AND THEN NO ROUTER AND THEN THE GUY ON THE PHONE AND NO MAILING POLICY AND SECOND TECHNICIAN AND NO REFUND WHICH IS BULLSHIT AND WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME LODGE A COMPLAINT HAVE TO CALL BACK THIS IS ALL I DO WITH MY LIFE NOW. ALSO WHY AM I PAYING AN EXTRA $50 PER MONTH
FOR INTERNET WHEN MY GRANDMOTHER ALREADY HAS COMCAST PHONE AND CABLE??? THAT IS COMPLETELY INSANE."
"I don' t know who that was, but everything is lies. That guy never
scheduled a technician for you, so ignore that. I will have a router
overnighted to you immediately, I am refunding your $30, I am also giving
you the $20 in credit that other guy promised you, I am also adding HBO for
free for 6 months, and I will only be charging you $1 extra for the
internet for the next 6 months because you are right, $50 is weird."
"......"
"Are you still there?"
"So...that's it? That simple?"
"Yeah."
"Um. Thank you."
"No problem. Anything else?"
"I love you."
".....appreciated?"


This all sounded excellent so I hung up, and three days later I received
what I believed to be a router.  I spent many an hour plugging things in
all over the place before calling up Comcast again. After TWENTY BILLION
HOURS ON HOLD I got a guy who was not super with it.  He talked in circles
for a while, made me read off many numbers, sent a few activation codes,
and after 20 minutes, told me some mind blowing news.

"Ma'am...what you have there...that's not a router."

IT WAS NOT. EVEN. A ROUTER.

That was the end of my patience.  I spluttered a lot, the guy told me I had
to go exchange it at some place, and hung up quickly before I could give
him complaints to pass on to upper management. 

It's been a few weeks now, and it would seem that the internet is working.
However, BOTH OF MY LAPTOPS ARE NOW BROKEN. Also I have not seen evidence of any refunds. We do seem to have HBO now.

Then, last week, I blew up my computer at work. Not entirely literally, but
mostly. It just shut down. Forever. Blue screen of death. They had to cart
it away.

It's been a bad time.